More Audition Tips...

So, a good friend of mine whom I often work with has asked me to choreograph his show in the fall. So, I get to sit in on auditions. Awesome.

Now, this theatre group is a group that performs for children, and often has a lot of children IN the show as well. They do a lot of fairy tales, and classic children's stories with a twist. So, earlier this week, we auditioned 48 kids and 12 adults for parts.

Some tips:

1. To sing without accompaniment is called "a capella", not "acapello". You WILL be snickered at if you pronounce it the latter.

2. If you are screwing up your song, do NOT shoot dirty looks at the accomplished pianist playing for you. It's not his fault your voice makes babies cry.

3. Somewhat of a combination of the first two tips -- if you are screwing up your song, do not stop in the middle, and tell the pianist "I'll just sing it acapello. I know it's difficult because there are key signatures in it. My sister couldn't play it either." Particularly if your song is in the key of C and our pianist is fabulous.

4. Ok, let's carry on with pianist peeves....do NOT come to an audition with just the melody line and expect the pianist to make up accompaniment for it. Or, come with the full music, but expect him to play it FOUR KEYS LOWER. Yes, instant transposing, at your service.

5. We have 48 kids to see. If you're coming in with a tape, we really don't have time for you to "just fast forward through this first part".

6. Lady, we cut you off for a reason. Asking to sing the money note at the end, and then coming out with a note that makes the deaf run for cover isn't a good plan.

7. If you are 9 years old, you should not have a three page resume and a black and white glossy. It makes you look creepy and I expect you to be WAY better than what's in front of me.

8. If you have the above "resume" and glossy from a talent agency, yet you can barely speak above a whisper and can't even look us in the eyes, your mom is wasting her money. I don't give a crap that you were an extra in X Men 3.

9. Seriously....you have a STAGE NAME? I shit you not people, I shit you not. Rumour has it that if the girl is called by her real name, you get the dagger glare of death. I wanted to cast her just for the challenge. I enjoy pissing off pretentious 11-year-olds with delusions of grandeur. ;)

10. Speaking of rumours, if the running commentary on you is that you go around biting people and drawing blood backstage, you are going to have to be a certain kind of amazing for anyone to even consider casting you again.

11. If you bring in a resume that lists director and choreographer for every show you've done EXCEPT the show that I was the choreographer for, I WILL call you on it. :)

12. Saying "I'm too nervous to audition by myself, can I sing with my twin sister?" does not win you points in the performance category.

13. You need the words for ONE verse of Amazing Grace? Really? Or, does that paper just say stuff like "make this part REALLY nasally and obnoxious and then sing the next part really sharp"?

14. You were in the middle school show I ridiculed a while back. When I say "Hey, I saw your show that you did," don't say "oh, thanks"....I didn't say I liked it.

15. When I remember EXACTLY what character you played in said show, it's probably not a good thing. It probably means you haunt my nightmares.

16. When you sing a song from said show and do the ridiculously horrible, random "choreography" along with it, it's also NOT a good thing.

Well, that's it for tips. Can I just say how much I love running dance auditions though? The people are so nervous and so eager to please, they will do ANYTHING. Last year I had 10 grown adults leaping around the stage like frogs (the show was about frogs, it wasn't totally just mean).

This year, I choreographed something for the kids, but didn't have time to do something for the adults, so we did the same routine. Mwahahahah. That Shirley Temple move is really adorable on a 40 year old man.