Earthquake!

Ok, so tomorrow morning at school, we're having a full scale earthquake drill.

This isn't one of those rinky-dink drills where they just say "earthquake", you get under your desk like a complete idiot and then stand outside freezing until the principal says it's "safe" to go back inside again.

Nope, this is full-on drill, complete with sounds, smoke, blocked off areas, and hot firemen. Oh wait...I think I added that last one.

There are several different teams involved - one team that goes and checks out the building, marking it with different coloured tape, one team that tracks down and assesses the injured, and one team that takes care of punch and party games for the survivors. Oh wait...I think I added that last one again.

Anyway, the people running this drill wanted one staff member and one student to be somewhere in the school, "injured". Obviously, the staff member has to have an excellent sense of drama. Or, be light enough to carry easily on the stretcher. They chose me. Shocking.

So, tomorrow, when the alarm sounds, I have to run down to the basement of the building, where the locker rooms are. What the hell would I be doing down there on a regular day?

"Has anyone seen Mrs M?"

"Check the locker room! When the earthquake started, I bet she ran to save her towel!"

Yeah, in four years at the school, I've been down there maybe three times, but of course, this is where I'll be. So, I asked if I'm supposed to be unconscious, or awake and screaming my fool head off? I'm told that I'm to moan. I tell ya, if I went to a private, out of the way part of the school and hear one of my colleagues moaning, I'm turning right around and filing a report.

Anyhow, as I said, this is a huge drill, and many people have a lot of questions. Most are related to official procedure, protocol and duties. Mine are more along the lines of:

"What should I wear as an unfortunate, yet fashionable earthquake victim?"

"What is the most flattering way to lie in the stretcher?"

"This drill is supposed to take an hour and a half. That's a long time to lie in a hallway by myself. Can I bring a book or a magazine to read? What if I promise to moan every two pages or so?"


I think this drill is very important. It's important to know exactly what to do to make sure our kids are safe, where the exits and alternate exits are, the safe meeting place, and accountability procedures. However, it's also all for naught. It's one thing to go through the proper motions when someone is on the PA system saying "earthquake, earthquake."

However, if the ground starts shaking and things start falling off the walls and the building starts caving in, my plan is as follows:

-find nearest exit.

-run like the wind.