Leaving on a jet plane
Ok, so we're in a slow month for musicals and stuff, what it being the middle of August and all. So, you shall instead be regaled by more tales and observations of my every day life.
I recently went and visited my sister in Quebec. Now, because of Air Canada's ineptitude, what should have been a 9 hour trip altogether (overnight, a couple stops), turned into an 18-hour nightmare. A letter will be written to Air Canada, which they will promptly ignore, I'm certain.
But now, from my pain, comes your enjoyment. Or, at least a way to pass two minutes, reading my "observations in an airport/airplane":
-How about some forethought people? We've just been delayed already half an hour, and we're waiting in a long corridor to get to the plane. If you know you'll need to take off your coat, transfer some files from one carry on to another, and generally fuss for about 5 minutes, do it BEFORE you get on the plane. None of us want to stand behind you in the plane aisle while you do the hokey pokey.
-Read signals buddy. I don't mind a little friendly initial chitchat, some mutual groaning when we find we will be sitting IN the plane for another three hours, but when my eyes are closed, this means I am likely NOT interested in tales of your niece's wedding you just attended.
-See my boarding pass? It says "WINDOW SEAT". That means *I* control the window shade. Do NOT reach across me to open and close it at your whim. I've been in this same seat for 8 hours - your arm may come back a bloody stump. You've been warned.
-To seatmate in next plane: You know what? You're lucky to be sitting next to me. I don't chat, I can hold pee for an entire plane ride, I smell fine, and most of all, I'm a small person. I take up way less room on an airplane seat than most people. So, you know what? I don't mind if you take the arm rest. However, your elbow is now halfway across my seat and the foot which you've somehow managed to cross over keeps whacking me in the knee. See bloody stump reference from above.
-To woman with toddler: You may think that the noise that your kid makes when you swing her upside down is cute. I disagree. So do the 300 other people in the waiting area trying to ignore the ear-splitting screeching and giggling every 30 seconds.
-What is it about luggage carousels that turns people into complete lunatics, devoid of any common sense? Everyone grabs a cart and makes a beeline, cart and all, for the part of the carousel that initially comes out of the wall. Thank god you saved those extra 10 seconds not having to wait for your luggage to come along the MOVING platform to you. Except, you didn't really save any time after having to apologize to the woman you just hit with your bag as you leaped for it and dragged it off like a prize, and then had to untangle yourself from the mess of carts from other people seemingly unable to carry their own bag 5 feet.
- "Just For Laughs Gags" is NOT that funny. Especially in a crowded airplane. Keep it to yourself if your sense of humour is of the "sight gag" brand.
-Patchouli. Not a good airplane scent. Just sayin'.
-We ALL have to get on the plane before it goes. Hovering like a buzzard waiting for the woman to announce your row will not get to your destination any faster. Neither will attempting to be the first one out of the plane when you're sitting in row 18. Then again, I guess you get the best spot at the luggage carousel that way. Going to be hard picking up your bag with those bloody stumps though.
I recently went and visited my sister in Quebec. Now, because of Air Canada's ineptitude, what should have been a 9 hour trip altogether (overnight, a couple stops), turned into an 18-hour nightmare. A letter will be written to Air Canada, which they will promptly ignore, I'm certain.
But now, from my pain, comes your enjoyment. Or, at least a way to pass two minutes, reading my "observations in an airport/airplane":
-How about some forethought people? We've just been delayed already half an hour, and we're waiting in a long corridor to get to the plane. If you know you'll need to take off your coat, transfer some files from one carry on to another, and generally fuss for about 5 minutes, do it BEFORE you get on the plane. None of us want to stand behind you in the plane aisle while you do the hokey pokey.
-Read signals buddy. I don't mind a little friendly initial chitchat, some mutual groaning when we find we will be sitting IN the plane for another three hours, but when my eyes are closed, this means I am likely NOT interested in tales of your niece's wedding you just attended.
-See my boarding pass? It says "WINDOW SEAT". That means *I* control the window shade. Do NOT reach across me to open and close it at your whim. I've been in this same seat for 8 hours - your arm may come back a bloody stump. You've been warned.
-To seatmate in next plane: You know what? You're lucky to be sitting next to me. I don't chat, I can hold pee for an entire plane ride, I smell fine, and most of all, I'm a small person. I take up way less room on an airplane seat than most people. So, you know what? I don't mind if you take the arm rest. However, your elbow is now halfway across my seat and the foot which you've somehow managed to cross over keeps whacking me in the knee. See bloody stump reference from above.
-To woman with toddler: You may think that the noise that your kid makes when you swing her upside down is cute. I disagree. So do the 300 other people in the waiting area trying to ignore the ear-splitting screeching and giggling every 30 seconds.
-What is it about luggage carousels that turns people into complete lunatics, devoid of any common sense? Everyone grabs a cart and makes a beeline, cart and all, for the part of the carousel that initially comes out of the wall. Thank god you saved those extra 10 seconds not having to wait for your luggage to come along the MOVING platform to you. Except, you didn't really save any time after having to apologize to the woman you just hit with your bag as you leaped for it and dragged it off like a prize, and then had to untangle yourself from the mess of carts from other people seemingly unable to carry their own bag 5 feet.
- "Just For Laughs Gags" is NOT that funny. Especially in a crowded airplane. Keep it to yourself if your sense of humour is of the "sight gag" brand.
-Patchouli. Not a good airplane scent. Just sayin'.
-We ALL have to get on the plane before it goes. Hovering like a buzzard waiting for the woman to announce your row will not get to your destination any faster. Neither will attempting to be the first one out of the plane when you're sitting in row 18. Then again, I guess you get the best spot at the luggage carousel that way. Going to be hard picking up your bag with those bloody stumps though.
posted by Daisie @ 8:55 AM
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